The Invitation

Hey, dude, I hear you got an invitation to play at the inauguration. Total congrats, man. That’s so hugely awesome.

Actually you’re not supposed to know about it. It’s secret. I signed an NDA.

What’s that?

Legal stuff. Before they even popped the question I had to agree to never reveal that they were even asking me.

Fuck that shit.

It prevents me from bragging about turning them down.

Turning them down? The friggin inauguration of the president of the United States of America? Are you, like, insane?

I haven’t made my final decision yet, but you understand where I’m coming from –

Understand what? Are you kidding me? You can’t afford to miss this. This is the royal shit.

If you say so.

It’s going to be so massive – like Super Bowl massive.

If you say so.

Then wise up, dude. It’s not like your career isn’t totally tanking. This is your chance to get back in the flow, get back in the dough.

The guy’s an asshole. A total douchebag and a bully.

Yeah and so what? Those are exactly the kind of people we want on our side running things, bro. PC-pussys and wimps can’t run shit. PC-pussys and wimps are losers.

He’s vulgar, narcissistic, vindictive and he’s screwed-over alot of people.

And so? Hey man, just check out his bitch. That’s all I’m asking. Forget that other shit for a moment. When a fat old dude can score like that – that tells us something.

It tells us he has a lot of money.

Yeah? Well Buffett and Gates and those guys also have a lot of money and what do they have to show for it.

Doesn’t the fact that he’s constantly lied and made up shit and–

Chill, man. He’s gonna be the pre-e-e-e-e-sident and that is gonna completely mullify all the previous bullshit he’s ever done and said.

You mean nullify.

Yeah. Getting sworn into office gives him a clean sheet. America is emancipating him.

You mean exonerating.

Exactly. He’s gonna make America great again and America’s returning the favor by dissolving him of all his sins.

You mean absolving.

Hey dude, why do you keep correcting me if you get what I mean in the first place.

Sorry. Force of habit.

Amazing stuff is gonna happen, bro. It’s a whole new ballgame. Do you want to be that idiot who one day looks himself in the mirror and says: How could I have been so stupid to miss the greatest opportunity of my career.

Maybe it’s a matter of principle for me. Ever think about that?

Yeah? No kidding. Well just check out the market, bro. Check out those principles why don’t you. The market been goin’ through the roof up there on Wall Street ever since the election, bro.

You own stocks?

That’s for me to know and you to find out.

Sure – only you don’t own zilch. You don’t even own a car.

Says who?

Says, like, your girlfriend. You borrow your moms.

Now you’re trying to change the subject to make me forget what an idiot you are.

You can call me an idiot if you want, but I got a fan base to look after. If I did the inauguration I’d be dead meat for my fans.

Sure all ten of them!

Actually there are a few more–

You’ll have so many new fans cause you will kick ass in DC on the 20th. Just look at the competition, dude. The Rockettes? The Moron tabernacle choir?

You’re not worried about what’ll happen to this country? The havoc he’ll cause in the world?

Of course not. He’s built fantastic companies. He knows how to make great deals. He wrote the book, dude!

Yeah, but–

Listen, did you enjoy the election or not. Wasn’t it, for maybe the first time in our lives fun to watch? Exciting even?

Yeah. Never a dull moment.

Exactly, and that tells you what his presidency is going to be like. Stuff is gonna happen. And that’s cool. That’s what we need around here. Those fossilfied establishment PC-pussys and PC-wimps can whine about it all they want. It’s showtime, dude, and you have a chance to help kick it off.

The word is fossilized.

Hey man, I warned you about that. Now repeat after me: “I am going to play at the inauguration!”

I’ll think about it.

Don’t think – just do it, Dude!

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