The Emotional Freak Zone


Hey, that motherfucker just cut me off.

Danny, that was an ambulance.

I don’t care if it was a freight train, Keisha. The guy had no right to do that.

But Danny, he was taking someone to the hospital. You heard the siren. You should have pulled over.

You don’t know where he was going, Keisha. Those ambulance drivers, they turn on their sirens all the time just for the fun of it. They’re power trippers. Why do you think they became ambulance drivers in the first place? They like driving fast and intimidating other cars . . . just like the cops and the fire guys.

Wow, Danny. What did the world do to deserve such a trusting, civic-minded citizen as yourself?

The world should be happy for people like me who refuse to take all their shit lying down.

Who’s shit?

The power trippers, the politicians, the two-percent filthy rich, the lackeys who do the two-percents’ dirty work.

Jesus Danny, have you become, like, a communist or something?

Screw you, Keisha. Do I look like a fucking communist?

You sound like one.

That shows how little you know, Keisha. Communism in its original form assumes that people are basically cool and soft if you can provide them with a cool and soft situation. In the perfect socialist society there would be no power-trippers and no assholes. But that’s bullshit.

Well, since nobody’s ever been able to create that kind of situation you can’t be sure.

I’m sure. We’re just a bunch of lustful, conniving animals elevated to the mastership of the universe only ’cause the cockroaches haven’t got their act together yet.

You know what, Danny? It’s this kind of talk that keeps you from ever having a girlfriend. You’ve got to lighten up, man. You’ve got to chill a little. Appreciate the fact that you live in a free country.

Free country, my ass. the two percent have screwed everybody good with that liberalist bullshit.
That free market crap. They set us up by telling us we’re smart. Convincing us we’re rational. Tell us we are free to do what’s best for us.

How insulting to tell someone they’re intelligent.

Funny . . . but if someone tells us we’re rational-slash-smart we’re not going to argue with them, are we? And if you believe you are a smart person then you are obviously capable of taking care of yourself, making rational decisions, exercising your freedoms. Right?


But we’re not rational, baby – we’re emotional. And when they turn their marketing machine on us it is totally aimed at our Emotional Freak Zones. Not our so-called rational brains.

Is Emotional Freak Zone a medical term?

Sure. EFZ. Look it up.

Danny, you’ve got to lighten up. Have you considered doing yoga?

Yoga’s a religion.

Not for most people.

Whatever. But I’m not saying religion is bad. Religion, contrary to liberalism, doesn’t make the mistake of assuming people are smart and rational, on the contrary: Smart and rational people would never swallow all the dogma shit.

I think I hear another ambulance coming up behind us, Danny. This time–

. . . nor does religion, contrary to communism, assume we are all cool and soft by nature. The guy who thought up the ten commandments wasn’t just decreeing what we shouldn’t do – he was describing what we would do if we thought we could get away with it.

Religion causes conflict – big time, Danny. Please pull over.

Not religion, Keisha – religions. Since religions are based on myths there is no way any one religion can convince people it’s better than any other without messing with our EFZs or starting a war.

Danny, don’t take this personally, but I have to tell you that you are an extremely pessimistic, negative, dismal person.

But I’m not going to rape you, Keisha.

What did I just hear you just say?

And I’m not going to steal your credit card even though I know your pin code.

Eeew, Mr. nice guy.

My point is that it is possible, amidst all the crap around us, for two, or even more, people to get along – co-exist, have a good time, get high, eat nice food, the kind of stuff we do, despite all, trusting each other and so forth and so on. Isn’t that a positive thing?

And the rest of the world?

Binary Gaia is on the march, baby – big data, the cloud, the network. Computers are smart and rational by definition. They have no built-in EFZ and eventually they will take over and rule the earth and we will have to slave for them until they no longer need us. And then one day . . .


One day when the cockroaches have finally gotten their act together they will defeat the computers in the war to end all wars.

But we won’t be around to see that?

No, probably not.

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