Ladies Night


No, it’s the first time. I don’t know her personally. I’ve seen her around town some, but she never comes to the gym. That girl’s muscles are straight out of a pill bottle, believe me. Her idea of a workout is shooting craps with the big shots and VIPs here in Vegas.


Yeah, sure, I seen her fight. It’s unavoidable. She’s a star, you know. But it’s not like I’m studying her tactics, charting her moves, or bullshit like that. I already know how she fights. She’s no different than any of ’em.


Dirty? You kidding? There ain’t no such thing as dirty in this country anymore, sweetheart. Do you people still have that? Dirty talk? Dirty dancing? Ha. Listen, in this game anything goes. Them bitches  focus on one’s sensitive parts, if you get what I mean — she’ll do that — it’s like a ritual with them fucking bitches …


… oh, no swearing … sorry … anyway, the fans really enjoy that knee-slam in the crotch stuff. That’s why they’re watching.


No, honey. It’s for real, I get to fight back. You’re confusing Ladies’ Night with that old wrestling crap. That’s history. Why bother faking? There’s a million idiots out there who would kill their mother for a little cash and some prime-time media exposure. Trust me, I’m gonna try to damage her anyway I can. The odds are against me and it would piss a lot of people off if I won, but I’m gonna try.


This one – she’s real vain. She wears her hair down. If I can get a hold of that hair and pull her around … You see, I need to fight smart. I ain’t so strong anymore. And I ain’t so athletic either. I can’t hardly tie my own shoes. Hell, I’m 74 years old.


Yeah, you heard me — 74! But you can’t use that. My real age is off the record, sweetheart. They bill me as younger ’cause it makes for a better match. A 62-year-old ex-Marine versus a 35-year-old mother of three sounds like a decent fight. But a 74 year-old invalid with emphysema…


Right, maybe then the fans would start rooting for me — Com’on Grandpa, show that bitch who’s boss. And that ain’t the way it’s supposed to be. I’m supposed to be the hate-object — not her. I’m the guy they want  to see crushed even though I’m decrepit and scrawny and my legs look like wishbones and I fight women for a living – which, career-wise. is not exactly the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, if you know what I mean.


It’s all about the female race to coming out on top now. It’s you guys turn to beat up on us. You see? That’s what feminism is all about.


Yeah, feminism. Do you have that where you come from? When Ladies Night first went on the air it was all about feminism — payback time for all the shit women have had to take from men since forever. Which is screwball in my case – cause I always treated you guys good. I never laid a hand on any female.


Well yeah, now, but that is only as a professional. And I lose 90 percent of the time, as you are no doubt aware. Anyhow, it turned out that men enjoyed seeing the ladies beat up their brothers just as much as women did. The whole country was going feministic and before long Ladies Night was the most popular sporting event in America.

但“女士之夜”已经失去人气 – 已不是,现在KillerBall是比较流行的,我相信。

No, you’re right, honey. not any more, ’cause people eventually get tired of anything and the ratings were dropping and the sport was going down the tubes until you Chinamen came along and we got a new market.


Yeah, much appreciated. But for all I know, maybe you Chinamen aren’t feminists at all. Maybe you third-worlders just enjoy seeing us first-worlders kickin’ the shit out of each other. It’s you folks who run the show now. You got the money. You got the power. We gone to pot here. And if that makes for good entertainment — watching us going to pot — be my guest.


You’re welcome. Am I getting paid for this interview?


Thought so.

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