Plums are short stories written by Greg FitzPatrick. They are published as email once a month and delivered to your mailbox. Plums are free as in free speech and free beer. They won't cost you diddly-squat. Read our Privacy Policy

We're pretty isolated up here. They want us to focus on the spiritual side of death. They don't want us to get distracted by all the nonsense that goes on back on Terra firma. Is That You, Son?

Hey, guess what? Brad Pitt is on this airplane. I feel a lot safer knowing Brad is on the plane, even if she isn't. Brad's enough. Yeah, it will keep 'em on their toes. Safe in the Air

And my Dorito Store is going to employ Dorito geniuses that are so cool they're going to make their Apple Store geniuses look like toadstools. The Doritos Store

Maybe it's not my decision, Gavin. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe guys don't want to get involved with a divorced woman with three little kids.Seven Kinds of Love

Is Jim Morrison more cool because he drowned in a bathtub after shooting himself up with heroin? Or Jimi Hendrix? Let me tell you, Brian could easily have done that, if we hadn't paid that SOB Landy to have him bodyguarded 24 hours a day.God Only Knows

Howard, you are too kind and too naive. You lead a sheltered life, while we live by the laws of the jungle here (no pun intended). Keep that man away from your lovely wife and daughter. Let him take his devious schemes elsewhere. Shame on him!Hands Across the Water

But then it happened one year that God tuned in on a particularly hopeless muddle of bashing, clouting, clubbing and slamming, and decided to put an end to the silliness once and for all.A Gift from God

Frank won't be around by then. He will have worked himself to death getting us to where we are now, or boozed himself to death cause that's his privilege. He's done good. A true-to-life American success story is what he is. A Way to Go

Kids in school think I'm a show-off because of the big words. I called Sebastian 'nullified' and he called me 'dummy'. So I go 'translucent' and he goes,'show-off'. Then I go 'Coronary Thrombosis', and he goes 'dummy' again. You see, he'd used up all his ammo.Big Words

Hey man, I'm expounding, not shouting. Anybody in here is welcome to join in on this discussion. I'm not antisemitic, if that's what you're getting at. I dated Jewish girls all through high school. Conspiracy Theory Nr 5

Xavier could use your wide eyes and naive imaginations. He should have your curiosity and your wonder in order to once again, as in his first days here, be captivated by this phalanx of stone mummies with their apsed arches and fleuri cut marble.The House Corner Museum